Trouble on Wheels

R.I.P.

2008-11-15T23:00:00.002-07:00

Along with its fellow subsidiary, Forbestraveler.com, Forbesautos.com was released into the ether by Forbes.com, laying off both entire staffs.

Which means guess what for freelancers like me?

Anyone know of opportunities for...oh, never mind.

If anyone's looking for me I'll be out there hitting the bricks.

Meantime, I shall devote more time to posting interesting car-related items here and renew my commitment to the Rocky Mountain Automotive Press and the charitable organizations for which I often volunteer.

*Sigh*

Oh, Boy

2008-10-12T11:49:00.004-07:00

Well, when automakers start laying off key designers, engineers, and PR flacks like they're dusting dirt of their shoulders, it has to make everyone on down a trifle nervous.

Besides a staggering drop in car sales, this industry is feeling a big bite from tire manufacturers to car bloggers, Collector auctions to specialty tuners.

What it means for this particular auto journo is a big, fat freeze on travel. I got in a trip to Lajitas, Texas for the Inaugural Shelby Terlingua Bullrun and Chili Cook-off, during which I was granted a private interview with Carroll Shelby, rode co-pilot with legendary racer Bob Bondurant in a road rally, and found my new love, the Super Snake. I was an incredible weekend in Big Bend, something I won't ever forget.

Barrett-Jackson's First Collector Car Auction in Las Vegas is out, so is SEMA. Travel is extremely expensive these days and the publications who employ me do not provide reimbursement. Not whining, mind you, just acknowledging the state of affairs.

With fewer new cars to review, the news reporting being all of the bad variety, and limited ability to cover out-of-state car events, it looks as though my job will downsize to that of an enthusiast/blogger. And hey, that's not so bad.

Racing around the Texas desert in a variety of incredible Shelby vehicles with Carroll Shelby, Bill Neale, Bob Bondurant, a few terrific media types (and one less so), the Terlingua Racing Team, and a bunch of crazy Shelby enthusiasts is a pretty good last hurrah, if it comes down to that.

Ikh darf es vi a lokh in kop

2008-09-11T14:56:00.007-07:00

(Yiddishe for "I need this like a hole in the head")

Some yutz wrote an email to one of the local media fleet car service companies claiming to be an acquaintance of mine and advising the reader that I was a great big phony and didn't really write for the publication I claim to write for. Furthermore, according to this shmendrik, I didn't write for anyone at all and just like joyriding in media fleet cars. A link was provided to this here blog, as evidence that I was some kind of BLOGGER and not a real auto journo.

Here's what Mr. Stupid doesn't know:

The recipient of that email contacted me right away. The recipient of that email knows me, my work, and my editor at the publication for whom I am a regular contributor.

My editor, having talked with the email recipient, wrote me a note on an email correspondence we had regarding my upcoming review of the 2009 Ford Flex. He wrote: "Do you know a [Asshole's Pseudonym]?"

The recipient of that email provided me with the 2009 Ford Flex. To date, this is the only vehicle I have used from either of the media fleet car services in town.

I have a record of every single ISP that visits this site and, if I so desired, could hunt the little sucker down and threaten him with libe/defamation/online harassment charges, or something.

Let's see, someone local, who works in the biz, with an axe to grind, who probably resents my intrusion into their free car scam. Yeah, I have a pretty good idea who this is. And I think public humiliation is enough punishment.

More importantly, I really dig the Ford Flex and will report back on this blog on it, just as soon as I am finished writing my contracted review for a major automotive publisher. Oh, and all the time I need to spend being a great big phony, of course!

Wedding on Wheels

2008-08-26T12:23:00.007-07:00

Being something of a car nut by profession and avocation, I am not the kind of bride who is likely to tool around in a stretch Hummer limo.

To solve my transportation needs I went to all of my sources in the industry to ask about alternative wedding transportation. After discarding the crazy (Segway, tractor, golf cart) and the ridiculous (horse and carriage, hayride), I settled on gas-powered, street legal and featuring at least two axles:

(Keeping in mind that my wedding is during Labor Day weekend, immediately following the Democratic National Convention in Denver.)

Limo Service:

Cost: $100/hr and up

Offer: Standard Lincoln Town Car, sound system and party lighting, some included champagne and one even included balloons and cake. Nothing can shake the Prom feel, however.

Verdict: No thanks.

Classic Car:

Cost: $350 for one 20 minute drive.

Offer: In this case, a jaw-dropping '59 Cadillac Coupe DeVille in pristine condition. The owner does not rent out his car, but he will drive you from one place to another. As awesome as this car would look in our wedding pictures and forever in my memories, I don't have the budget for it.

Verdict: Sorry!

Journalist's car service

Cost: $0, but integrity is priceless

Offer: What a staggering number of non-working automotive journalists (i.e. freeloading bums) here in Colorado do when they need wheels is call one of the car services that provides us actual working writers with review cars. Since they now have chummy relationships with the car services people, they all got to zoom around and giggle and honk at onlookers in the Audi R8 that was only in town for two days and which I did not get to review, because everyone hates me for bitching about this completely unprofessional behavior.

Verdict: Never.

Rental

Cost: $200 with helpful coupons, gas

Offer: One week with a Chevrolet Suburban. Unlimited mileage, no cheesy lights or thumping club music, no guilt, and room for the bachelorette party on Friday, the shuttling around on Saturday, and the big wedding drive on Sunday.

Verdict: See you on Friday, rental car company!
Stay tuned for pictures...

Whither Trouble?

2008-07-07T09:36:00.006-07:00

It's tough out there for a pimp, and also for a freelance automotive journalist. Plus, summer is slower for work and busier for fun, in the form of awesome car sightings — a crop of Audi R8s are running around town — classic car shows, drag racing, and, of course, road trips.

Besides teaching web editing classes and doing various Vice Presidential things for the Rocky Mountain Automotive Press, I plan to contribute to the autofiends as often as they'll allow, and work on hooking up a little fuel cell thingy on the family car. I'll keep you posted on that impending disaster.

Do check out the autofiends site — it's smart coverage and well-written articles, without all the pissing contents of other auto sites.

P.S. The image above is the intellectual and artistic property of the artist Coop. I am a huge fan. If you like it, check out the rest of his collection of fine art, collectibles and wicked stickers and stuff: Coop

Hello Again, Gorgeous!

2008-03-27T19:38:00.004-07:00

Many cars were on display at the 2008 Denver Auto Show, including the Chevy Volt concept, the Hyundai Genesis production model, Car of the Year Audi R8 and a slew of hybrid this-and-thats and a smattering of Italian supercars. None could compete with the lovely Corvette ZR1, my million-dollar baby.

It's good to see the revamped and focused new Denver Auto Show and I'm grateful that I was granted access to the cars and the manufacturer's reps. Oh yes, there were rich dinners at fancy-pants eateries, hosted by those reps. Nicer still is the chance to talk one-on-one with engineers with the insider-ist of knowledge and getting face time with PR managers helps make future contacts immeasurably better.

I think I have a horrible condition: something about fine cuisine and rare wine gives me Loudmouth Horribulis. Normally professional and soft-spoken, all it takes is a perfect sirloin and a delicious Malbec and suddenly I'm Fran Drescher in full roar.

...And I didn't have to travel to this show, stay in an overpriced hotel room, and struggle with the GPS in a strange city. It all came right to me this time and yes, it was good.

Photo by Joshua T. Bekerman Photography, who had the audacity to fart in the ZR1's front seat

Preen

2008-01-24T11:32:00.000-07:00

Photo Courtesy Barrett-Jackson Collector Car Auctions

Check out my Chapter Two in the ZR1 Saga!

Check out Chapter One!

Trouble Family Racing Geneology, Explained

2008-01-21T11:04:00.000-07:00

My great-grandmother was a Colby, of the short-lived Iowa company Colby Motors, producer of the fantastic Red Devil racer.

My uncle Don built buggy racers and raced them in the desert, and drag raced funny cars and hot rods in contests (legit and under the radar) all over the Southwest and at Bonneville and Las Vegas. The photos he has of those days are breathtaking.

My mother is a Corvette fanatic and, at 67 years old, races her Z06 at Spring Hill. My father races his Miata all over rural Pennsylvania, spooking the horse-and-buggy crowd and terrifying the minivans with his skilled, leaden feet. My brother-in-law is a NASCAR groupie (Rusy Wallace is his favorite) and a former sport bike racer (until my little sister made him stop). My son favors Lamborghini in his Hot Wheels/Matchbox collection and is more knowledgeable about cars than most of the automotive "experts" I interview.

I tried to soup-up Barbie's pink convertible, and had an unrelenting passion for the stupid Delorean. A poster of which had a prominent position on my wall, next to Led Zeppelin and Sean Cassidy. I have always driven like I'm trying to keep my lead in the Paris-Dakar rally.

What did you expect me to be, a clerk at Express?

Barrett-Jackson

2008-01-17T22:13:00.002-07:00

Robosaurus!

After dropping off my uncle, whose BBQ restaurant had a presence close to the muscle cars, I quickly made the acquaintance of the friendly and rather awesomely efficient PR folks representing the auction. Aaron, Luke and Michael aren't just names from the Bible, they did everything in their power to see I got access and interviews with everyone I needed to talk with, at a time you would never imagine it possible.

I was in a room in the auction HQ, shooting the breeze with Steve Davis and Craig Jackson, absorbing the insider info as fast and unobtrusively as I could. I sat in the Shelby skybox in the main auction hall, eating chicken and watching the proceedings like a Roman in the Coliseum.

VIP treatment from team Corvette ZR-1 and team Shelby GT500KR-1. Front-row at the Wreckasaurus demonstration, before that huge hunk of metal went on the block. Limitless drooling at the gleaming lines of spoiled cars from every era and every make/model. The historic collection of Corvettes, probably in tribute to the mighty, soon-to-be-record breaking ZR1, almost brought a tear with its gorgeousness. I seriously considered just jacking that Judge--it looked so easy! The owner's folding chair was vacant and I think I remember how to hot wire...anyway.

Some ladies get this way about fashion shows, I think. Not me, I'll take white wall tires over white being the "new black" anyday. There was a fashion show, actually, from Tommy Bahama. I was to be the handsome young future F1 driver's date for the show but, unfortunately, duty called.

If I'm being vague about all the exciting news from Barrett-Jackson it's because I'm writing it up for publication. Yes, a real assignment from a real automotive magazine, snarkingtons. So you'll just have to wait. nyah.

I think I got on camera in my Jalopnik "Save the Enzos!" t-shirt. Choice!

Fun in the Sun

2008-01-15T08:39:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Arizona!

Phoenix, AZ — Even the Wal-Mart here is a lovely adobe building ringed in tall palm trees and ancient Saguaro cacti. The Bondurant Racing School, located at the Firebird Race Track on Indian land (there is a luxury casino resort nearby, natch) is a state-of-the-art playground for people with a need for speed. Did I just make a Top Gun reference? I'm so sorry.

Taking the Gran Prix racing course with me are an assortment of wealthy men, many of whom took this and similar courses before. The instructors are outstanding, the course extremely worthwhile (racing skills, accident-avoidance measures, a smattering of mechanics), and, hello? We get to hoon around in a Corvette C6 or Z06.

Legendary race car driver Bob Bondurant celebrates 40 years operating a successful driving school on Valentine's Day. Ain't it sweet?

Next: Barrett-Jackson Auction.

Pout

2008-01-02T12:31:00.000-07:00

SINCE I cannot attend the Detroit Auto Show, where I would have hobnobbed with fabulous GM designers and PR folk and celebrated with Corvette racers and bigwigs over the unimaginably successful ZR-1 debut (which I predicted/scooped a year ago, people!), and;

SINCE I am busily working on an auto-related TV show for the Rocky Mountain Region, and;

SINCE I will participate in upcoming elections to the Rocky Mountain Automotive Press and RMAP's contributions to the Denver Auto Show,

I don't have much to contribute here. Except this:

TROUBLE'S TOP CARS for 2007

Audi R8
Bugatti Veyron
Ford Mustang GT
Jaguar XKR
Lamborghini Murcielago LP640
Lexus IS-F
Mazdaspeed3
Nissan GT-R
Porsche GT3
Range Rover Supercharged Sport

(Alphabetically rather than ranked, although #1 would probably be the same. And I do not give a shit about the "official" year of the make/model. These cars were exciting and new in 2007)

Go, Go Speed Racer

2007-12-07T09:48:00.001-07:00

Awesome Sighting

2007-11-20T15:08:00.000-07:00

Black-on-Black

2007-11-05T19:03:00.000-07:00

Without going too deeply into automotive paint composition or trends in paint color, I have this to say:

I want everything I own to be painted black-on-black.

It's menacing, demonic, sleek, sexy and oh, so cool.

Loads of cars presented at SEMA -- mostly of the muscle car and exotic sports car varieties -- were thusly dipped in pure evil and left to intimidate all the orange, lime green and rally yellow pretenders.

I want the new "Bullitt" Mustang. I want a manual transmission. I want it in black-on-black and discreet chrome.

Thank you.

Gran Turismo 5, Nissan GT-R Unveiled

2007-11-01T19:38:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned earlier, the car was unveiled in the game at the precise moment it was unveiled at the Tokyo Auto Show. Prepare to gape.

and here is a longer video from the official ProLogue:

PlayStation gave me permission to post these videos, although they are from youtube instead of from My Computer, because my laptop has severe brain problems. In any case, enjoy guilt-free.

SEMA Highlights, Day 3

2007-11-01T17:52:00.000-07:00

Surprisingly, very few people (of the million billion people coursing through the Las Vegas Convention Center) dressed up for Halloween. Not even the hootchies, although a few might have been wearing orange and black glitter hot pants that day. A tremendous number of those sign-holding, chirping slutbags were Asian, much to my surprise and the delight of the men at SEMA, who rushed to get photos of them and their pals draped in glittering, checkerboard-accented hot pants onesies.

Happily, not all the women present were hired to be there: female PR and media people represented and racer Danica Patrick made an appearance, no doubt deflecting unwanted offers by the hundreds and answering a lot of stupid questions. By all accounts she was friendly and approachable. Kat Von D of LA Ink was also there, I guess because she's hot. I may be wrong, she may be a hot rodder or drag racer in private, you just never know.

The show was doubly crowded on the 2nd day, making it a bit easier to pass on activities — seeing a line snaking down a hall of at least 100 people tends to sway those decisions. So I only saw Beau while he gave a live radio interview, totally missed Mad Mike (both from "Pimp My Ride") and never got my personal interview with Chip Foose. Not too upset, however, because I'm not on a tight deadline and will call them after SEMA and get the goods.

What to say about the cars? Well, not much new. Lots of retro-restorations that were amazing, plenty of awesome muscle (truck, car and everything else)and the usual display of street junk. (Uh, hello? Mini-trucks and flashing, huge rims are WAY out.)

But expecting hot car debuts (like the upcoming Corvette "Blue Devil", which flashed itself at Laguna Seca and will be totally exposed at Detroit)at a show called Specialized Equipment Marketing Association (SEMA) and Automotive Aftermarket Products Expo (AAPEX)is silly. Here, it's about parts and gadgets. Here, parts is not parts.

Parts is chromed, precisely-engineered, loud, quiet, bright green/yellow/orange, demonic black-on-black, sticky, smooth, fast, low, street-legal and ready for the track. Paint is a huge story, less for the trends in colors and more for the nature of the paint itself. Soon, all automotive paint will be, by federal regulation, water-based. This change is coming soon and paint and auto manufacturers are frantically trying to figure out what it means in the long term.

Another major MAJOR concern is tires. From Pinelli and Gianelli to Dunlop, Continental and Bridgestone, tire makers went to the world of racing for solutions to the problems high-horsepower, high performance production cars face in terms of slippage, grippage and longevity.

Car electronics are massively big business, of course, and the race to be number one in inboard/portable GPS appears to have handily been won by the Panasonic Strada device. Unlike Garmin (too many knobs and steps in the simple processes), TomTom (low reliability), and Microsoft Sync (Seriously? A stylus? In the car? While I'm driving?), Panasonic's model is all touch, very simple, a nice big screen, and it connects bluetooth, OnStar, etc.

I was cordially invited to be a VIP guest at the Gran Turismo 5 Awards and an intimate concert with my next husband, Chris Cornell. At the Wynn, as a special guest of PlayStation. Unfortunately, my flight home was Thursday afternoon. I will treasure the laser-etched invitation as long as I live.

One thought that lasted all the way back to Denver this afternoon: It is nearly impossible anymore to tell the difference between regular girls and strippers. Not just in Vegas, either, where you just assume they are all strippers and hookers. As far as I can tell, the strippers/hookers have nicer handbags than the tourists from Cleveland with the same bleached/highlight mane of carefully-arranged ringlets or shellacked waves, the same over-tan, the same gonguro makeup application, the same drug habit/eating disorder. Seriously. I saw, standing side-by-side for my convenient assessment, (a) a tall, painfully thin orange woman in expensive stilleto shoes, a miniskirt, a glitter belly shirt, long blonde hair that was straightened within an inch of its life and then carved into yellow ringlets, huge sunglasses, a $3,000 handbag and a purple fur hat. (b) a short, painfully thin orange woman in capri pants and a glitter belly shirt, cheap but staggeringly high-heeled shoes,with an exact copy of Posh Spice's haircut and a Coach bag. It looked like Striperella and her sidekick Suburbaslut.

But that really has nothing to do with cars. Except that I bet the stripper has either some precision German engineering or an exotic sportscar parked at her condo, while the Cleveland girl probably drives a Jeep Liberty or a pink Mini Cooper.

I embrace my pale skin, my unruly hair, my healthy appetite. I never want to be mistaken for a stripper. Or even a SEMA girl, who probably are strippers by trade. Admittedly, I consciously wore "business casual" clothes and sensible shoes, not to mention my hair in a so-last-year headband. It worked, no one even suspected I wasn't a PR lady or demo hootchie.

Which reminds me: there is a long-standing thing between PR people and media people, where each believes the other will waste their time. I've heard representatives of both sides bemoan their responsibilities in having to deal with the other — I don't get it. Everyone is just doing their job, we help each other, and besides, all the PR people I've met have been fabulous.

Now that me and my blistered feet have left Las Vegas, there are people I want to thank, again, for their gracious help during my stay:

Everyone at Dunlop/Goodyear
Keith from GG Quad
The fine folks at Las Vegas Speedway
Taxi driver Geno
Everyone at Sony and Playstation

P.S. I promised video and I shall deliver

SEMA Highlights, Day 2

2007-10-31T15:17:00.000-07:00

What a way to start off the day at SEMA!

Transported to the opulent Wynn Hotel by private courier, I entered the marble, glass, rare wood and snooty bellhop resort I worried more about my cheap shoes and bad haircut than I usually do. There was a Russian trophy wife hanging around the lobby whose belt and bag together were probably worth more than I'll see in two years.

Whisked into a plush elevator and into a private suite, I began to worry I'd hit a velvet rope and this interview would be over. Instead, the fashionista/PR types graciously invited me into the suite, which overlooked the Western U.S. All of it, I'm pretty sure.

Anyway, my subject was Kazunori Yamauchi, Japanese automotive designer and superstar Gran Turismo creator and designer. We are here to discuss, through the assistance of a translator, Gran Turismo 5. Besides updating the graphic quality to epic, breathtaking levels, the game features 50 different cars and allows for up to 16 racers at a time. What all the interwebs are talking about, however, is the inclusion of the Nissan GT-R in all its rare glory.

Nissan, like most automakers, fully cooperated with the programmers and designers of GT5 to make their representative high performance cars look and drive as much like the real thing as possible. Toward this end, the GT5 team took a Nissan GT-R on the Nurburgring at top speed, clocking in at exactly 7:08. Disbelieving types at Nissan repeated the test and came in at exactly 7:08. We needed no translator to read the excitement in Kazunori's face when he relayed this experience.

The designer went on to describe the downloadable preview of GT5, available only in Japan. The Nissan GT-R was listed under the cars as "Coming Soon", until the car debuted in Tokyo. That moment, engineers revealed the car in the game and players that otherwise might not ever get in spitting distance of the GT-R were racing it in GT5.

I don't have the game, it's still preview and I am a lowly journalist. However, I do have video. Ask nicely and I might provide it here.

Stay Tuned for Day 3!

SEMA Highlights, Day One

2007-10-31T15:08:00.000-07:00

Tuesday:

Registration was quick and easy at 7:00am and the media room that Continental Tires provided us a welcome and useful space indeed. Grubby auto journos vie for one of the courtesy computers lined up for our deadline use.

The massive Las Vegas Convention Center held treats and surprises at every turn; impressively tuned supercars, airbrushed mini-trucks, chrome, electronic wizardry, and hootchies in hot pants a'plenty.

From press conference to scheduled interview to PR presentations, I ran around SEMA like a headless chicken on crack. The array of gadgetry, mechanical wonders and artistic creations made the price of sore feet and a stiff neck well worth the, well...you know.

That evening brought a lovely dinner at Smith & Wollensky, courtesy the fine people of Sony. We talked about the California wildfires, the weather in Colorado and I even found a Consumer Reports writer who went to the same stupid college where I wasted a semester in 1987: Ft. Lewis College in Durango, CO.

I wish there were cars here I could get tremendously excited about, but it's all been done before. Talking with the other auto journalists reveals that I'm not the only one searching for a story.

Viva, etc.

2007-10-30T13:25:00.000-07:00

After a rather tedious scheduling snafu, I checked into the fabulous (though curiously remote)Red Rock Hotel and Casino. The interior reminded me of the W Union Square Hotel in Manhattan but the view was all Vegas, baby.

As a guest of a major tire manufacturer, I paid for absolutely nothing. Not the three night stay in a posh hotel, not the extravagant meals, not the excursions and activities. Automotive Journalism is not a career choice for those would seek to become wealthy. The perks, however, can be the awesome.

Take, for example, the driving school. I took a BMW 5-Series as fast as humanly possible around the Las Vegas Speedway, and have a telemetry flash drive thingy to prove it. The Subaru WRX I took on the "dry" autocross course took a severe beating and my pride took one of its own when I veered off-course at 90mph and skidded my way back to start. The "wet" autocross course featured BMW 328i and this tire manufacturer's latest high performance tire. Was the car fun to drive? Check. Did I kick ass on the wet slalom? You betcha. Is there a noticeable difference in tires? Extremely yes.

The weekend concluded with a scenic, high-speed drive through Red Rock Canyon. Audi A4 Quattro rules, by the way. I literally had no clue I was pulling 100mph through that desert. My co-pilot, pissing himself, was monitoring my speed (he couldn't tell without watching the speedometer). Incredible scenery, lovely drive, and the car will be mine.

Swag-o-rama is the name of the game at SEMA. If you are buying your own meals and drinks, you aren't paying attention. I'm working on my assignment, plus gathering info for future stories and generally just having a blast. I was two people away from driving the Lexus IS-9 in a dyno acceleration test (so right up my alley)and had to scoot out of line to make another appointment. Was skedded to take some Lexus cars out on a small road track set up outside the Convention Center but, after the fabulous weekend at Las Vegas Speedway, all I could say was, "meh."

Up tonight is a party in honor of Hot Wheels 40th anniversary and a free dinner at Smith & Wollensky's.

It's good to be the auto journo.

More tomorrow, nobody reading my blog!

Viva Las Vegas

2007-10-26T10:27:00.001-07:00

I'm off to Sin City for the 2007 SEMA show. I'll likely be live-blogging the exciting parts, and posting awesome photos...what was that? An internet tumbleweed?

Well I'm doing it anyway. Feh!

Top Gear Madness

2007-10-12T10:14:00.000-07:00

Keeping in mind that this episode, featuring the thrilling Bugatti v. Eurofighter jet race, has not yet aired and that this is amateur film-making — citizen journaslim, if you will.

With all credit and thanks to the fine folks at autospies.

Be still, heart!

No, I'm Not Bitter. Well, Not Too Much Anyway.

2007-10-01T10:58:00.000-07:00

Jalopnik Invites A Girl Over To Play

"My name is Laura and I love cars. I love cars so much the folks who run this site decided to break their long-standing, boys-only tradition and ask me to become a contributor and show off my obsession with the cult of cars. It all happened when Ray Wert (or "Wertz," as I like to call him, in honor of his man-crush on Bob Lutz) contacted me on Facebook. Facebook, of all places! Apparently he was looking for some sexy, model-type car enthusiast to start writing for the site. But when his search yielded fruitless, he settled for me. (Come on, did you guys really think those chicks in spandex jumpsuits who walk around at the car shows could write? And signing photos with Sharpies doesn't count.)

So, here's a little about me: I'm a California native. I live in the Los Angeles area, but don't hold that against me. I started out covering technology and eventually shifted into automotive journalism because, well, who wouldn't want to get paid to talk about cars? Other sites I write for include CNET.com (where I have a blog called "Girl on Cars") and Forbes Autos.

I tend to gravitate toward high-end, European performance cars. My favorite (soon-to-be) production car is the new Aston Martin DBS. I also dig the Spyker C8 spyder, the Ferrari F430, and that car's precursor, the 360 Modena. Older cars I like include some of the European racecars from the 1950s like the Aston DBR1, the Maserati OSCA, and the Lotus 7.

I'm a big F1 fan, despite the numerous sanctions and moratoriums the FIA has imposed in recent seasons. I'm rooting for Lewis Hamilton to win this year, although I still like Alonso, despite his recent whininess. And Super Aguri rocks. I saw Takuma Sato pass Alonso at this year's Grand Prix du Canada. It was awesome. And for the record, Kimi sucks. He's always drunk, or falling off a boat, or picking his nose at a press conference. Go ahead, send me hate mail.

Outside of my passion for cars, I'm a pretty typical girl. Hobbies include staying at five-star hotels, eating at restaurants that are Zagat-rated 28 and higher, and wearing $1600 Christian Louboutin boots. You know, the usual stuff.

My ride is a BMW e46 coupe with a manual transmission. I get to the track when I can, and have driven Laguna Seca, Infineon Raceway (still Sears Point to most of us), California Speedway, and will soon add Willow Springs to the list. My helmet has a pink Hello Kitty decal on the back.

Southern California is home to some of the world's best design studios and a plethora of automakers' offices, as well as an endless supply of morons who spend lots of money on cars but don't know how to drive. So I'm sure I'll have lots to share. I'm looking forward to it."

Porsche 911 GT2 on the Nurburgring

2007-09-28T09:29:00.000-07:00

R.I.P. Colin McRae

2007-09-16T10:43:00.000-07:00

Titan of the WRC and reportedly one helluva guy, Colin McRae will be missed.

Precious Foreshadowing!

2007-09-05T11:59:00.001-07:00

C'est la Vette!

2007-09-05T09:08:00.000-07:00

I told you so!

Read the latest from Motor Trend's blog

Not That it is a Problem, Mind You

2007-09-04T14:21:00.000-07:00

Has anyone else noticed how much the redesigns of Automobile and Top Gear look alike? In the former case it's quite welcome; in the latter it's rather unnecessary. I could read Clarkson's circadian missives in any format and be very pleased.

Speaking of Top Gear and DVR, I am the happiest car chick in existence.

Coming soon (I swear!) to this space: video!

Not All of Barbie's Cars Were Lame

2007-08-27T11:23:00.000-07:00

With thanks to Murlilee at Jalopnik for his post, which prompted some awesome nostalgia

All is Right with the World, Part I: Top Gear on BBC America

2007-08-18T10:28:00.000-07:00

Beginning Monday, August 20, new episodes of Top Gear will broadcast on BBC America.

Check your cable guide and set your DVR to: Rejoice

To: Mr. Optimus Prime From: Geico RE: Your Claim

2007-08-12T20:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Prime,

We have received your accident-claim reports for the month of June—they total 27. I regret to inform you that GEICO will not be able to reimburse you for any of those repairs.

I feel that I have sent the same letter to you once a month for the last six months, and I am now sending it again. Since becoming a GEICO customer in January of this year, you have reported 131 accidents, requesting reimbursement for repairs necessitated by each one. You have claimed not to be responsible in any of them, usually listing the cause of the accident as either "Sneak attack by Decepticons" or "Unavoidable damage caused by protecting freedom for all sentient beings." The only repairs for which you were reimbursed were the replacement of a cracked fender and a headlight, required after a Mr. I. Ron Hide backed his van into your truck; these cost $1,286.63. Our own investigation concluded that you were not at fault and that Mr. Hide had been drinking prior to the accident. Though police were unable to test his blood-alcohol level—Mr. Hide claimed that it would be impossible for police to examine his blood-alcohol content with a Breathalyzer, because he "doesn't breathe"—under Washington-state law, refusal to take a Breathalyzer test is equivalent to returning a result above the legal level. But, I repeat, those were the only repairs for which you have been reimbursed, and it was a very minor accident in comparison to your other claims. I mention a few to illustrate the larger trend:

* $379,431.34 requested reimbursement for repairs to your truck cabin. You claimed the damage was caused by attacking fighter jets.
* $665,789.11 requested reimbursement for repairs to your trailer. You claimed the damage was caused by a giant mechanical scorpion, which I can only assume is some amusement-park ride, although I question the wisdom of bringing your mobile home so close to such dangerous equipment.
* $6,564,239.44 requested reimbursement for repairs to a truck part called the "Autobot Matrix of Leadership." You stated this occurred in "an ultimate confrontation between good and evil," with a Ms. Meg Atron and a Mr. U. Nicron causing the damage in question. Mr. Prime, I have checked every known car- and truck-part catalog published in the United States and have found nothing even resembling that part, never mind any part so expensive. Whatever disagreements you had with Ms. Atron and Mr. Nicron, I suggest that next time you either settle things peaceably or leave your Autobot Matrix of Leadership at home so it doesn't break. GEICO does not cover Autobot Matrix of Leaderships.

And the list goes on. Mr. Prime, I am going to remind you again: Your policy with GEICO only reimburses you for accidents that occur while you are engaged in the reasonable use of your truck and trailer. As I told you when you originally purchased the policy, GEICO does not offer Megatron coverage, Starscream coverage, Soundwave coverage, Decepticon coverage, or Energon-blast coverage. Those are just not the types of damages we would expect from reasonable use. To sum up, GEICO has been unable to reimburse you for any repairs, but due to the high number of accidents you have been a party to this month, combined with the many accidents you have had in the preceding five months, your premium has increased to $235,567.50 per month. While that may seem like a lot, I remind you that it is a savings of $137 over Progressive and $98 over State Farm. Please have your check into our main office by the end of July.

Regards,

Simon Furman
GEICO Agent

(This nugget o'joy is courtesy Bangitout.com, which lists one John Frank Weaver as the brilliant author)

2007-07-10T15:41:00.000-07:00

Why am I suddenly posting random, scarce, boring posts of photos of old cars?

Well, my goodness, thank you for your interest and concern!

I am in the shop for some body repair. Yes, me — not my car.

Anyone who has ever broken their back knows my pain and is probably wincing at the memories. Six weeks of twice-weekly physical therapy, kick-ass painkillers, and the threat of surgery if PT doesn't take this time.

As a result, I've missed all the Thunder on the Mountain action at Bandimere Speedway, various local car show awesomeness, and my chance to race a Corvette Z06 as fast as possible around a track in Virginia.

OH, the HUMANITY!

Please bear with me, I'll be posting interesting news and amazing photos soon.

Again, Just Because

2007-07-07T22:25:00.000-07:00

1970 Buick Electra 225 Convertible a/k/a "Deuce"

Just Because

2007-06-19T16:51:00.000-07:00

Corvette SS

2007-06-07T12:56:00.000-07:00

I told you about this back in February:

The wicked fast and utterly fabulous Corvette SS (a.k.a Blue Devil, or whatever) will definitely debut at Detroit in early January 2008. You heard it here first, yo.

Ferrari Foxy at 60

2007-06-07T12:02:00.000-07:00

Top Gear's Summer special issue is devoted to the Italian supercars, featuring Clarkson, Hammond, May and others riffing on their fondest Ferrari memories. Oh, and then there's the show-stopping, eye-popping FXX lap.

What image pops in your head when you pout your lips and seductively purr the word, "Ferrari"?

Well, for me, it's Count Elmo's ill-fated 1958 Ferrari 250 GT Berlinetta from "Viva Las Vegas". Elvis, Ann-Margaret, Vegas at it's lounge-est, and a Grand Prix in the Vegas desert. It was the first time I loved a car in a movie more than any of the actors. Later, there was the awesome 1961 Ferrari 250 GT Spyder California in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, but I saw that movie in my senior year of high school and mostly just resented the spoiled rich kids. I cheered when the car park guys took that Ferrari for a spin behind the smart-ass brats' backs.

Ferrari has a theme park in Abu Dhabi and remains the exotic car for rich bastards to show off from the safety of their climate-controlled garages. Or for idiot celebs and other douchebags to crash, in the case of the poor Enzo.

These Italian stallions are born to run, meant to piloted by a skilled and passionate racing driver, and available only to people who mostly do not deserve the priviledge. *Sigh*

Anyway, do check out Top Gear's Ferrari-fest, and allow yourself a moment of Ital-lust. Then go to Jalopnik and buy the "Save the Enzos" t-shirt.

Top Gear's 100 Fastest Cars

2007-05-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

A work of art indeed, and do check out all the controversy and pithy comments on the accompanying blogs!

Top Gear's 100 Fastest Cars

Road Rage Ranking

2007-05-15T08:42:00.000-07:00

New Jersey doesn't top this list? Are we kidding here?

Cities Reporting the Most Incidents of Road Rage:

1. Miami
2. New York
3. Boston
4. Los Angeles
5. Washington, D.C.
6. Phoenix
7. Chicago
8. Sacramento, Calif.
9. Philadelphia
10. San Francisco
23. Seattle-Tacoma

Source: AutoVantage's "In the Driver's Seat Road Rage Survey"
This ranking accompanied an Associate Press story by Sarah Larimer

Now that I live in Denver, I'm sure the city will make the Top 10 next year.

RALLY!

2007-05-10T13:10:00.000-07:00

Enjoy this video, chock-a-block full of WRC goodness. If, like me, you are not a fan of Linkin Park, I recommend you turn off the sound.

Coop Crack-Up

2007-05-08T11:05:00.000-07:00

My not-at-all-secret crush and favorite modern artist was in a wreck and broke his damn leg and his vintage Ford.

No, it wasn't Paris Hilton this time: she's off trying to convince Swarzenegger to "pardon" her. On a celebrity weirdo technicality?

Any way, send those healing vibes to Coop by purchasing his art, via his blog, or his website, or his myspace page.

Lawyers, feh!

Sidework

2007-05-02T12:11:00.000-07:00

That title will probably garner this blog a few hits from restaurant servers and bartenders, but this post isn't actually about marrying ketchup or Bissell-ing.

I just want to direct you to my article at AskPatty.com.

Not only does the site offer certified and recommended dealerships to women nationwide, it's a great clearinghouse of information and opportunity for women car owners to ask questions about their hoopty without getting any attitude in return.

Thank you for checking it out!

Viva el Camino!

2007-04-26T09:15:00.000-07:00

The success of the NBC show "My Name is Earl" sparked renewed interest in the Chevrolet El Camino, and the rumors that have always flown about a new El Camino from Chevy are suddenly less of a pipe dream for enthusiasts. After all, the muscle cars of yore have all been reborn &mdash even, according to Jalopnik, the Hemi 'Cuda!

While the 3rd generation El Camino ('68-'72) brings the highest prices at auction, it's the '80s version that's most popular with restorers, racers and drifters, and Hollywood. That's what you'll see on "My Name is Earl" and in phenomenally creative and possibly demented "Caminoizations" — where any coupe or sedan is mashed with the party end of an El Camino to produce oddities such as the "928amino" and the "Camaromino".

GM already has a Holden Ute available to discerning drivers of OZ, and rumors abound that this modern take on an El Camino will wash ashore very soon.

Here in Denver you see three kinds of El Camino: a beater that acts as both work truck and family transport; a low-riding, custom-painted bass-thumper; or the smokin' rad drag racing El Caminos that are clean, mean and so fast they're obscene. One thing is for sure, there's nothing else like them on the road.

For your amazement, the Satanamino:

Favorite Songs about Cars

2007-04-25T14:49:00.000-07:00

These are MY favorites and therefore not open to discussion or debate.

In no particular order:

Kraftwerk — Autobahn
(Sublime musical accompaniment to urban, nighttime driving)

Gary Numan — In Cars
(Spooky and awesome)

Ministry — Jesus Built my Hotrod
(Few other songs insinuate themselves into your brain on an unending loop like this one)

Playmates — Beep Beep
(You call it novelty, I call it auto history gold)

Lloyd Cole & the Commotions — 2CV
(Well, I still have a crush on old Lloyd, and even bigger one on my cousine Isabelle's 2CV.

Dead Milkmen — Bitchin' Camaro
(Word.)

Southern Culture on the Skids — '69 El Camino
(Love this band. They also sing about Cadillacs)

Gap Band — Burn Rubber
(So deliciously funky and so dangerous: hearing it while operating your vehicle tends to force your foot harder on the pedal and dancing and driving is not recommended, for your own safety and sense of shame)

Sammy Johns — Chevy Van
(You don't have to be a van person to appreciate the awesomeness of this song)

C.W. McCall — Convoy
(I'm old enough to remember the CB radio craze and used to sing this song on road trips with my mom and sisters.)

Hollywood & Vines — Cruisin'
(Has ever a more summery, top-down song ever been written?)

Rob Zombie — Dragula
(Standard NHRA and drag racing footage background track. The hotness.)

Prince — Little Red Corvette
(I know it isn't actually about a car, but it does evoke the primal sexiness of the titular vehicle, no?)

Metallica — Fuel
(Pound that steering wheel, bang your head, and blare this out your windows to intimidate all the sissies driving by in their sensible cars.)

Commander Cody — Hot Rod Lincoln
(A classic, somewhat of a curiosity, and a hot mess of fun)

T REX — Jeepster
(Ok, this one wouldn't make many others' lists, but I totally dig its Euro/glam weirdness)

War — Low Rider
(I challenge you to hear this song without tapping the beat, vocalizing the beat, and digging down to your lowest vocal register to sing along.)

Foghat — Slow Ride
(see: Low Rider. Also, popular with lip-biting air guitarists)

Sure, there are probably hundreds more that qualify as car songs, but I feel they are either stupid songs (i.e., "Life is a Highway") or lacking in passion (Beach Boys, Jan & Dean, country songs).

Here He Comes, Here Comes Speed Racer

2007-04-24T11:54:00.001-07:00

In just over a year, fans of Speed, Trixie, Spritle and Chim-Chim and Rex (Racer X) will delight in the live action remake of our beloved early indoctrination into Japanese anime: May 9, 2008 brings us the Wachowski Brothers (Matrix, V for Vendetta) big screen adaptation of the Speed Racer gang's exploits. So far, reports have Christina Ricci as Trixie, Matthew Fox as Racer X, Susan Sarandon as Mom and John Goodman as Pops Speed, and Emile Hirsch as the Mach 5's pilot and title character.

As for the car, Producer Joel Silver enigmatically said to Empire, "I don't know if we can even use real cars."

Come on now. You're telling me in that in a time where car and movie effects customization and innovation are both at an all-time glorious acme, you can't take a Lamborghini or Spyker or Koenigsegg and trick it out to the gadget limit? Foley guys these days can't replicate the signature Mach 5 throttle sound? Harumph. Then again, maybe a modded-out Corvette will fit the bill?

Anyway, it can't be any worse than the Scooby Doo movies, can it?

Vrooooooom!

2007-04-21T22:12:00.000-07:00

So today we took the kids to Bandimere Speedway, to observe the time trials for all sorts of racing classes. We saw old skool hot rods, lean and mean drag racers, magnificent Impalas, a few modded rice rockets here and there, and a few street cars and motorcycles that happily laid down $35 each to tear up a quarter-mile.

It was glorious. My girls were thrilled to see more than a few women racing, and had a chance to talk with them after their runs. My son was apoplectic with joy and excitement, he couldn't take his eyes off a souped-up 'Vette that managed the 1/4 in 10, and (as he does with Gravedigger when he's watching monster trucks) booed any vehicle that lined-up against his pretty favorite.

All of them want to get into racing and I'm looking at Karting for them. Damn expensive hobby, especially x 3! Still, I love that they're into cars. When they fight over track formations for the slot cars, my heart swells with pride.

What can I do? They think soccer is dumb and after a half-hearted try, the girls gave up on dance and cheering. One of the girls wants to do some sort of martial arts training, but damn, she's already a menace!

Our summer is going to be great: swimming at the pool, dining al fresco, visiting the mountains, going to outdoor concerts around town, and Saturday night races at the Speedway--hot dogs, chili cheese fries, the smell of burnt rubber and the roar of drag racing.

Life is good.

Drift Away

2007-04-20T08:34:00.001-07:00

Why I Love the Science Channel

2007-04-18T20:31:00.000-07:00

Perhaps it's because I was preoccupied with moving halfway across the country; maybe it was the malcontented self-absorption that comes with having a disgusting cold/flu/bronchitis misery; possibly it's because we were without cable TV for some time: for some reason I did not know that Top Gear episodes were nonchalantly being shown on the Science Channel.

WTF?

Here I've been watching pirated videos all this time, when proper full-screen episodes are quietly running on my TV?

They are out of order. No matter! I watched Season 5, Episode 2, wherein Clarkson in the Lotus Exige nearly outfoxes an Apache helicopter and the Stig inaugurates the speed board with the Exige,driving the Bowler Wildcat ultimate off-road supercar encourages the Hamster to declare that he is, "a driving god", James May pooh-poohs the Maserati Quattroporte, and much more petrolhead fun.

The Sci Channel schedules shows a new episode on the 25th. I am ecstatic. Now, to purchase a DVD recorder...

Chicks and Cars

2007-04-18T17:59:00.000-07:00

Listen up ladies: more women buy cars than men and women make 80% of all car-buying decisions. Yet most women bring along a male friend or relative to the car dealership to purchase a car, after doing virtually no research.

Every spring, women across the country embark on a momentous, intense research project involving hours pored over magazines to review the latest trends and to gain advice on which item is right for which woman. Computer-savvy women even find a virtual model to try out a handful of choices. Eventually, she goes to the mall and shops around. She has a good idea what she wants but needs to see it in person and take it for spin. All this effort for a bathing suit that usually costs less than $100.

You don't need to know a damn thing about cars to buy the right car for you. You needn't be a finance whiz or a champion negotiator. You just need to know how to be a good shopper.

I've developed 5 Easy Steps to Car Buying for Women, a booklet that takes you from having not a clue about new/used, lease/buy, fuel-economy/fuel-efficiency, blah blah blah, to expertise in automotive acronyms and the confidence to buy, maintain and sell the absolute perfect car for YOU. The 5 Easy Steps booklet can be yours for a measly $5.00 (US), postage included. Write me at: worldoftrouble@fastmail.us

Top Gear

2007-04-17T10:40:00.000-07:00

I haven't been this excited in a long time. So far, it's just gossip and hearsay, but the very idea of Top Gear coming to U.S. TV is too scrumptious to bear.

My prayer is that when they do, they bring Clarkson, the Hamster and the Stig with them. If a new cast of petrolheads is foisted on us, a crew of American doofuses and hee-hee girls in tight shorts, all is lost. If that's the case, please, TG, I beg of you: just don't do it.

Here's a favorite TG video moment:

Yes, that's the car that various idiots keep crashing.

NASCAR in Denver

2007-04-16T07:26:00.000-07:00

First, a disclaimer: I am not a NASCAR fan. It's too lowest-common denominator marketing for my taste, and the big name drivers are awfully showboat-y. The race itself is a bunch of right turns that fans watch intently only to catch the first glimpse of a fight or the banana peel that starts a fiery crash. It's just like WWE.

Give me the Nevada salt flats and a fleet of amped and tuned muscle cars. The thrilling Paris-Dakar rally. Or a fabulous hot rod drag race in Las Vegas or Southern Cali. Even Formula One's weird foreigners are more interesting. No, I know -- just me and a Porsche 911 on the Nurburgring. That's more like it. Actually, just a suburban open garage and clear driveway, and an awesome slot-car set. Now you're talking.

The NASCAR juggernaut currently has its sights set on the aptly-named Commerce City, Colorado, land of endless warehouses and factories, for its new track. Last year, when I lived in New York, NASCAR was up to the same shenanigans in Staten Island. People close to me, in my immediate family, claim to be NASCAR fans. A pretty-girl friend of mine maintains her willingness to do unspeakable things in order to meet NASCAR driver and total dork Jeff Gordon. What is going on here? A vast, Southern, country music-lovin', Blue Collar Comedy-quotin', NASCAR conspiracy? What in the hell do they want?

Denver is known for a lot of things. A terrible boom-and-bust economy, John Elway, proximity to skiing, truly bizarre weather, and being located smack dab between the hippy/yuppy/eco terrorists in Boulder and the right-wing nutjobs in Colorado Springs.

The people here are mostly white, mostly Midwestern types who recycle, shop at big chain stores and eat at chain restaurants, and enjoy Adult Alternative and Oldies radio. Because they are health-conscious, they workout every day and don't smoke or drink much. Making too much noise can get you kicked out of your condo, or get you a citation from your gated community's hired security.

Denver is in the center of a basin, geologically-speaking, and the way sound travels in a basin, you could poke your head out of your window in Thornton and hear a dog fart in Parker. You would say to yourself, "Was that a sonic boom I just heard?"

Got to give NASCAR props for trying, though: they've teamed up with local businesses to get Denverites excited for the family fun, the deafening roar and the big corporate profits of high-speed racing. We shall see.

In the meantime, I'm taking my 7-year old son to Bandimere Speedway, to learn the finer arts of cart racing and watch the Mile High Drag Racing Nationals. This, I feel, will serve his dreams of future car racing far better than buying him t-shirts and such festooned with the number of some NASCAR driver whose trophy wife is driving him to win more prize money to support her lavish lifestyle.

Do you know what I mean?

Super SS Corvette

2007-04-14T17:45:00.000-07:00

Don't let anybody tell you the soon-to-be-unleased 650 hp Corvette, much rumored about, gossiped about, blogged about and spy photograph-captured, going to be called the Blue Devil. I have it on very good authority that the Blue Devil nickname was in deference to Lutz's Duke background, nothing permanent intended. You can read my scoopage from February here.

Now, Car & Driver has official-acknowledgement-sounding updates! Read all about it: 2009 Corvette Blue Devil Confirmed.

Meanwhile, this summer will find your friend Trouble in Virginia for a high speed performance driving course, courtesy Corvette. Oh, Hell yes! And I do know a guy who has the "2009" Corvette SS on order, to be delivered shortly. Will I drive it? Indeed. Will I report on it for you? Absotively, Posolutely.

Welcome!

2007-04-12T16:25:00.000-07:00

Coming soon to this space is the online home of Trouble, automotive journalist and car-crazy chick. Coming a bit later is the Trouble on Wheels TV show, so now's the time to get on my good side. Heh.

Here you will read news, gossip and inside information on the thrilling world of production cars, concept cars, auto shows, tuner goofiness and everything 'Merican and bitchin' MOPAR.

We'll have a forum, special guests, and a contest or two. Stay tuned!